New Year's Resolution

 

Pumpkinspice: What is Mom and Dad talking about when they say they're making a New Year's Resolution?

Jeep: Every year, people around the world ring in the New Year and then they make a list of all the things they want to change about themselves only to fail at keeping their promises to themselves.

Pumpkinspice: Well Mom says she plans on eating healthier.

Jeep: I give it 2 months max, her will power when it comes to sweets is nearly nonexistent.

Pumpkinspice: Well Dad plans on working out after the New Year.

Jeep: That will last a good 4 months and then a big fat juicy cheeseburger will take him down and all that effort will go to waste and he'll get disgusted and quit working out all together.

Pumpkinspice: Well...I think I'll try to grow a few inches taller.

Jeep: It doesn't work like that.

Pumpkinspice: Why not?

Jeep: You're as tall as you're going to be...you're done growing.

Pumpkinspice: But I don't want to be short anymore.

Jeep: You gotta live with the hand you're dealt with lil buddy.

Pumpkinspice: No I don't...Mom doesn't have to deal with the fact that she's fat, and Dad doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's out of shape, so why do I have to deal with being short!

Jeep: Want me to buy you some stilts?

Pumpkinspice: Well Mr. Smartie Pants, what's your New Year's Resolution then?

Jeep: Don't need one...I'm perfect as is.

Pumpkinspice: So you wouldn't want to be taller?

Jeep: That's your fantasy not mine.

Pumpkinspice: How about losing weight?

Jeep: I'm not fat!

Pumpkinspice: Well you could benefit from not eating sooooo many cookies.

Jeep: I was just helping Santa out!

Pumpkinspice: Well, how about not being so cranky?

Jeep:  Now I'm cranky?!

Pumpkinspice:  You do tend to get a little cranky when I want you to do something.

Jeep:  That's because the things you want me to do are NOT fun!

Pumpkinspice:  Fine, maybe your resolution should be about trying NEW and INTERESTING things!

Jeep:  Great I'm fat, cranky, and boring according to you....Well Happy New Year to me!!!!

Pumpkinspice: Glad I could help you find your New Year's resolution.  Happy New Year!

Santa's Little Helpers

 

Jeep:  Why do WE have to wrap the presents?  Isn't this Mom and Dad's job?

Pumpkinspice:  They're busy with work, and don't you want Peapod to have something to open tomorrow morning?

Jeep:  Fine, give me the next measurement.

Pumpkinspice:  7x8 at a 35 degree angle, then 6x6x2, and then a radius of 12...I think.

Jeep:  Seriously, what dummy packaged this toy, we should hang him by his toe nails! Ok how about I cut enough to cover it and you trim the leftovers.

Pumpkinspice:  But that's not exact.

Jeep:  Do you want me to quit?!

Pumpkinspice: Fine, we'll try it your way, but don't come crying to me when its not pretty.

Jeep:  Who cares if its pretty, besides Peapod will probably play with the paper more than the gift.

Pumpkinspice:  They clearly did not invent tape with bear fur in mind!

Jeep:  With all due respect, but I don't think they expected a bear would WANT to wrap presents!

Later that night...

Pumpkinspice:  Here Jeep, put this hat on.

Jeep:  Why?

Pumpkinspice: Cause my elf hat is too small for your big head.

Jeep: Like I'd wear an elf hat!  No why am I wearing a Santa hat?

Pumpkinspice:  Well, we need to get into the festive mood and put these presents under the tree!

Jeep:  That's Santa's job...and I don't want coal in my stocking this year for impersonating him.

Pumpkinspice:  I took precautions, Santa sent me a letter of permission, so we're covered.

Jeep:  Looks legit to me...OK!

Mr. Mouse Rose:  Who goes there!!!!!

Pumpkinspice:  Ummmm...we live here.  Who the heck are you?!

Jeep:  And what are you doing under OUR TREE!

Mr. Mouse Rose:  This is MY TREE, I'm the Guardian of all Christmas presents.

Pumpkinspice:  (Whispers to Jeep)  You think he knows he's guarding an empty tree?

Jeep:  Excuse me but what is your name, and how did you get under our tree?

Mr. Mouse Rose: (Puffs up his chest)  I'm Mr. Mouse Rose and I've been instructed, by the one's that call themselves Mother and Father, to guard this tree with all its presents until Christmas from all little one's that would DARE to sneak a peak before the Grand Revealing Day!

Pumpkinspice:  You mean Christmas Day.

Mr. Mouse Rose:  That's what I said. Hmmph  Its a VERY important task, now run along for I have a busy night ahead of me.

Jeep:  But there are no presents under there for you to guard.

Mr. Mouse Rose:  Irregardless, I was tasked with this mission and I shall see it to the end.

Pumpkinspice:  Well, what if we have presents that need to be guarded?

Jeep:  And what if we required your SPECIAL skills?

Mr. Mouse Rose:  Well...my contract doesn't specify which presents I must guard.  As the Protector of Presents, the Emissary of Colorful Bows, and most....

Pumpkinspice:  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll just put these here and you can go on with your accolades after we leave.

Jeep:  Yeah its bedtime so sleep tight Mr. Mouse Rose.

Mr. Mouse Rose:  I will NOT fail you my furry little friends.

Pumpkinspice:  Say it Jeep.

Jeep:  Do I have too?

Pumpkinspice:  Jeeeeeeep!

Jeep:  Fine, fine, fine....Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Hypnotic.....

 

Jeep:  How's the music?  Is it loud enough for Peapod?

Pumpkinspice:  Its perfect, he'll be able to hear it loud and clear.

Jeep:  What about the lights, are they too much?

Pumpkinspice:  ...

Jeep: Are you listening?  I asked how are the lights?

Pumpkinspice: ...

Jeep: PUMPKINSPICE!

Pumpkinspice:  Huh? What?

Jeep:  Sheesh, what are you doing down there...daydreaming?!

Pumpkinspice:  No, I don't think so.  The lights are really hypnotic.

Jeep:  In other words, they work just fine.  I'm going to go do the laundry.

20 Minutes Later...

 

Ms. Monkey:  Are you sure we have to brainwash Pumpkinspice?

ApeApe:  Of course we do, how else are we going to be the favorites.  With him as an allie, we can take over the nursery and Peapod will acknowledge us as higher beings than the bears!  Muahahaha!

Jeep:  Oh no you don't ApeApe, wake up Pumpkinspice!

ApeApe:  Nooooooooo!

Pumpkinspice:  What just happened?

Jeep: ApeApe was trying to brainwash you with the flashing lights!

ApeApe:  It would have worked too, but you had to foil my plans!

Jeep: As punishment I envoke The Law of Hiearchy!

ApeApe:  No please, I'd rather you banish me!

Jeep: The punishment must fit the crime; therefore, you will spend the rest of your days as Peapod's drool buddy or until he deams your services are no longer required.  And if you fellow Monkeys don't disperse IMMEDIATELY, you'll meet the same fate!

 ApeApe:  This isn't over!

Peapod's UNSCHEDULED Haircut!!!

 

Jeep:  OH MY GOODNESS!!! Pumpkinspice!!!!!

Pumpkinspice:  I didn't do it.....

 

Jeep:  And I suppose those clippers in your hands didn't accidently cut Peapod's hair?

Pumpkinspice:  Uh.....no.

Jeep:  And who's hair is that on the floor?

Pumpkinspice:  Mine?

Jeep:  Since when do you have black, straight hair?

Pumpkinspice:  Fine! I did it, but Mom, Dad, and you should thank me.

Jeep:  Why in the World would we think you for cutting his hair without discussing this with us first?!!

Pumpkinspice:  Because his hair was starting to look like Donald Trump's flyaway comb over!

Zombie Baby

 

Pumpkinspice:  Ok I'm back with all the teething rings I could find.

Jeep:  We won't need any of them, Peapod likes to chew on Mom's knuckle.

Pumpkinspice:  Zzzzzombie!!!

 

Jeep:  Where?  Let me at him- protect Peapod!

Pumpkinspice: Nnno, Pppeapod's the ZOMBIE!!!

Jeep:  What?!  He's not a zombie you blockhead!

Pumpkinspice:  He chews on Mom's finger...last I checked that means he's in the zombie category.

Jeep:  You've been watching too much Walking Dead...and even if he was a zombie, what's the worst he could do?!  Gum us to death?  Honestly Pumpkinspice, you'd pee your pants just looking at your own reflection.

Pumpkinspice:  I'm still sleeping with my baseball bat...just in case.

Jeep:  Man!  I was so ready for the Zombie Apocolypse too!!!

Let's Eat Turkey!

 

Jeep: Pumpkinspice, time to eat turkey.

Pumpkinspice: Sniff, sniff...I'm not eating.

Jeep: But you LOVE turkey, and its your favorite- Butterball turkey!

Pumpkinspice: Sob...Oh poor Peapod, he was family Jeep!

 

 

Jeep: Wait a minute, you think we cooked Peapod?!

Pumpkinspice:  Well yeah...Mom's been telling him for months that she's going to fatten him up so she could eat him up, AND she's been calling him her little Butterball Turkey too!!!!

Jeep:  If you weren't so emotional, I'd slap the hysteria right out of ya!  We didn't cook him and those are just sayings people say to cute babies!

Pumpkinspice:  So he's not cooked, and its a real turkey we're eating?

Jeep:  YES!!!!

Pumpkinspice:  Well someone should tell people not to say things like that, gives us poor confused bears the wrong impression!

Jeep:  What am I going to do with you?

Pumpkinspice:  Feed me some turkey, I'm suddenly feeling hungry!!!!!

This Is WAR!!

Pumpkinspice:  Traitor!!! I'm telling Dad you bought Steeler stuff!!!

Jeep:  Its not what you think, I'm making Peapod some Steeler's diapers.  Besides its about time someone showed those Steeler's fans how to properly use The Terrible Towel.

 

 

Pumpkinspice:  Don't you think that's a bit extreme?!  Its only a football game Jeep.

Jeep:  Its not JUST a football game!  This is WAR!!!!

Jeep:  In the great words of William Wallace, "Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

Pumpkinspice:  I should of known you'd quote Braveheart when discussing Football!

Who Ate My Cookies?!

Jeep:  Mom brought home a new bear for Peapod to play with?!

Pumpkinspice:  What kinda bear is it?!

Crazy Blue Bear:  Cookie.

Pumpkinspice:  You're a cookie bear?

Jeep:  No, I think maybe that's his name.

Crazy Blue Bear:  Cookie!

Jeep:  I know you're name's cookie...we get it.

Crazy Blue Bear:  Cookie!!

Pumpkinspice:  I think he's a little crazy, look at his eyes...we better keep him away from Peapod...

Pumpkinspice:  Hey!  Who ate my cookies?!

Crazy Blue Bear:  Cookie...yum yum.  Me love cookies!!!!

 

 

Pumpkinspice: Why you!!!!

Jeep:  Easy Pumpkinspice, don't hurt yourself...besides you can tell he's on a cookie high just by looking in his eyes, and you know junkies are DANGEROUS! 

How High Can I Bounce

Pumpkinspice:  You know Peapod gets some of the coolest toys!

Jeep:  He sure does.  Why don't you give it a try?

Pumpkinspice:  I wonder how high I could bounce in this?

Jeep:  Let's find out!!!!

Pumpkinspice:  Don't you dare!  Jeep, I'm warning Youuuuuuuuu!

Pumpkinspice:  You're in trouble now, I'm telling MOM!

Jeep:  It was worth it! hahaha

The Carving Contest

 

Jeep: Let's have a pumpkins carving contest.

Pumpkinspice:  Why bother you're just going to lose.

Jeep:  Just cause pumpkin is in your name, that doesn't mean you'll win!

Pumpkinspice:  Fine, we'll ask Big Teddy, but don't cry when he calls me VICTORIOUS!!!!

 

Jeep:  Well who won BigTeddy?

Pumpkinspice:  Yea, and psst I made you some roasted Pumpkin seeds if you pick me.

Jeep:  Stop trying to bribe the Judge!

Big Teddy:  I'm sorry but there are no winners here.

Pumpkinspice: A Tie?!  No Pumpkin seeds for you!

Big Teddy:  No, not a tie, you both lost.

Jeep: How can we both lose when we're the only entries for the contest!

 

 

Big Teddy:  There was a last minute entry, and I must say he did a FABULOUS job on his pumpkins.

Jeep:  Pumpkins?! As in more than one?

Big Teddy:  Yup, Peapod is the winner for this round!

 

Pumpkinspice:  Wait a minute those say Let's Go Ravens...and Peapod doesn't know how to spell yet.

Big Teddy:  How would you know if he can't spell?!

Jeep:  Well, its kinda obvious since he only says Ahhhh, Gaaaa, and Aaaaa!

Pumpkinspice:  Hey Mr. Bobos what are you doing with those carving tools?

Mr. Bobos:  I don't know what you're talking about...what tools?

Jeep:  It's a rigged contest!

Big Teddy:  No its not!  I was fair!

Pumpkinspice:  Oh please, we all know you and Mr. Bobos sleep in Peapods room every night!!!!

I'm Not Wearing That!!!!

 

Pumpkinspice:  Awesome, the costumes I ordered came in!

Jeep:  Let me see, let me see...

Pumpkinspice:  Well, aren't they cool or what?!

Jeep:  I'm not wearing that!!!

Pumpkinspice:  Oh you'll wear it, and you'll like it!
 

Jeep:  This is so embarrassing, we can never show this picture to anyone or I'll never live it down.

Pumpkinspice: Don't be such a party pooper.
Jeep:  Well, I don't see why he got to be Batman and we had to be Peapods...its just stupid.
Pumpkinspice:  Because we have to protect his identity since everyone knows him as Peapod, but if we're Peapods then the villains will never know who he really is...smart thinking huh?

Jeep:  Pumpkinspice thinks he's soooo clever, well jokes on him cause I'm the TRUE villain!!!!  Where are you Batman?  I have a back to crack!!!! Muahahaha!

Butterball Turkey

Jeep:  Peapod weighs as much as a Butterball Turkey...let's see how much we weigh.

Pumpkinspice:  You're only a pound, I bet I weigh more than you!

Jeep: Not possible...

Jeep: Now how is it you weigh 4.5 lbs?!

Pumpkinspice:  I've been working out with Dad's weights...you know if you worked out you could turn that flab into muscle too!

Jeep:  I knew it, you used books to make yourself weigh more!  That's right you better turn your head in shame!

The Pharoah's Swing

 

Pumpkinspice:  Well your Highness, shall I turn on the music for you?

Jeep:  Why are you referring to Peapod as if he's royalty?!

Pumpkinspice: Cause he is.

Jeep:  How do you figure?

Pumpkinspice:  When he cries, what does Mom and Dad do?

Jeep:  Everything they can to soothe him.

Pumpkinspice:  And when he has a dirty diaper?

Jeep:  Wipe his hiney.

Pumpkinspice: And when he's hungry?

Jeep:  They feed him.

Pumpkinspice:  Now, do you or I get that treatment?

Jeep:  ........no

Pumpkinspice:  And what about Dad, the Alpha male in the family?

Jeep: .....no....I think that means Peapod's the Alpha male now.

Pumpkinspice:  Exactly!!!  Now your Highness shall I turn the dial to make the swing go faster or will this speed work for you?

Jeep:  Yes your Highness, can I get you a snuggly blanket?

Peapod Works The System

Pumpkinspice:  Why doesn't Peapod like sleeping in his portable bassinet?

Jeep:  Because he's smart.

Pumpkinspice:  What does being smart have to do with sleeping in the bassinet.

Jeep:  He knows how to work the system.

Pumpkinspice:  I'm not following...what system?

Jeep:  Would you rather sleep in Mom's arms at night or in this bassinet?

Pumpkinspice:  Definitely, Mom's arms.  She's so snuggly and I feel super safe when I sleep with her.

Jeep:  Exactly, and since we're on vacation Peapod knows all he has to do is thrash around in the bassinet and throw a fit, and she'll let him sleep with her because she'll feel guilty that he's not comfortable or she'll think he's scared of the new sleeping place.

Pumpkinspice:  Well, I'll be...he sure does know how to work the system!

Peapod's Wardrobe

Jeep:  What are you doing rummaging in Peapod's dresser?!  And look at the mess you're making!

Pumpkinspice:  I'm looking for something to wear.

Jeep:  Those clothes aren't for you!  Those are all Peapod's!

Pumpkinspice:  Yeah, well as fat as he's getting he's not going to need them much longer and I'm pretty sure something in here will fit me.  You know...you could use a new outfit too.

Pumpkinspice:  You think this is too long?

Jeep:  You look like you're wearing a dress.

Pumpkinspice:  You think Mom could hem it up for me?

Jeep:  Who you kidding?!  Mom doesn't know a needle from a thread...you're better off asking MomMom to do it.  Now, how do I look?

Pumpkinspice:  Very fetching, brings out the brown in your eyes...but, those stripes make you look fat.

The Puking Cherub

 

Jeep:  What movie you watching?

Pumpkinspice:  The Exorcist.

Jeep:  Why you watching that?

Pumpkinspice:  I'm doing research.

Jeep:  Research on what?!

Pumpkinspice:  I think Peapod is possessed.  I saw him puke on Mom the other day, and I swear he had this funny glint in his eye afterwards. 

Jeep:  Did his head spin too?

Pumpkinspice:  No, but I'm telling you there's something not right about him.

Jeep:  Well did he look like the creepy girl in the movie when he did it?

Pumpkinspice:  No, actually he looked like a puking cherub.

 

Jeep:  Hmmmm, we better sleep with one eye open tonight just to be on the safe side.

Liquid Gold

Pumpkinspice:  Why does Mom call her milk liquid gold?

Jeep:  Because it is, its the liquid form of gold.  See once you cook it, it turns into the solid form of gold...that's why you're not supposed to microwave it.

Pumpkinspice: So Peapod is drinking gold? Its no wonder she can't just buy it at the grocery store.

Jeep: Yeah.

Pumpkinspice:  Hey, that means we're rich...she's got a lot of these in the freezer...imagine all the toys we could buy Peapod if we cook them all and then sold it on EBAY!!!!!

Jeep:  That's right! And I've been wanting a new game...I mean Peapod's been wanting this new game and I could buy it for him and teach him how to play it.

Pumpkinspice: Sure Jeep...sure.

Get My Good Side, Please

 

Pumpkinspice: Why are you staring at yourself in the mirror?

Jeep:  Trying to find my good side.

Pumpkinspice: Oh, that's right- today we're getting photographed by the world famous photographer Jodie Otte.

Jeep: She's not world famous.

Pumpkinspice: Yes she is, she has a website: www.jodieotte.com

Jeep:  Just cause she has a website that doesn't make her world famous.  Besides you don't even know what www stands for.

Pumpkinspice: It stands for World Wide Web, which means she's world famous!

Jeep:  Hmmmm, can't really argue that logic...ok to the World Famous Photographer we go!

 

Jeep:  Ms. Jodie, can you make sure to get my good side, please?

Ms. Jodie:  What's your good side?

Pumpkinspice:  He doesn't have one and we're not here for you Jeep, this is Peapod's moment....

 

Pumpkinspice:  Seriously, when will Peapod's body hair come in.  Right now he looks like a naked bear.

Jeep:  Don't worry I already talked to Ms. Jodie about photoshopping some hair on him...after all, we can't have other bears laughing at him when they see his baby photos, THAT would be embarrassing!

The Fall Guy

 

Jeep: What are you doing with Peapod and that paint?!

Pumpkinspice: Well, since everyone forgot PopPop's birthday I decided to make him a special birthday card from Peapod.

Jeep:  That's a great idea...wait, did you ok using the paint with Mom first?

Pumpkinspice: No...you can be the fall guy.

Jeep: What?!  She's not going to believe that I ok'd this without her permission!

Pumpkinspice:  Won't she?  You are after all the bigger bear and its YOUR responsibility to make sure I don't do anything I'm not supposed to do.

We Need Duct Tape!

 

Jeep: I don't get it, all he does is drink milk...where is all this coming from?!

Pumpkinspice: I think Mom's wrong, with a pile that big we need more than just a diaper and wipes, be right back.

 

Jeep:  Where'd you go?

Pumpkinspice: To get some extra supplies- stapler and packing tape.

Jeep: Stapler and packing tape?!

Pumpkinspice:  You're right...we need duct tape!

The Torture Device

 

Pumpkinspice: What kind of ray gun is this?

Jeep:  Its not a ray gun, Dad says it does something to help Mom make milk for Peapod.

Pumpkinspice: Why does she need to make milk?  Don't we just buy that at the grocery store?

Jeep: I don't know!  I'm still fuzzy on the details myself.

Pumpkinspice: Can we make milk with it?

Jeep: Why would you want to?  It looks like a torture device!!!!