Itchy Butt!!!!

 

Jeep:  Alright, as you all know Peapod has been fighting a wicked diaper rash.  And as we all know, there's nothing grumpier than a bear with a chapped butt.

JackJack:  We're here to help, what can we do?

Pumpkinspice:  Fan out, and bring back anything we can use to fight his itchy butt...meet back here 10.

JoeJoe: Sure sure!

Jeep:  Alrighty let's see what we got here...ok who brought olive oil, oatmeal, and flour?!

Pumpkinspice:  I did, smart thinking huh!

Jeep:  Not really...you do know we're fighting a diaper rash and not making oatmeal cookies right?!

Big Teddy:  Oooooh can we make oatmeal cookies later?  I know Cookie Monster would love them!

Pumpkinspice:  Yes we'll make cookies later and yes Jeep I know we're fighting a diaper rash!  I called MomMom and asked her what we could use on his butt with items we have already.  She said to grind up the oatmeal and make an oatmeal bath which will help with the itching.  The olive oil helps with redness and rash irritations.  AND, if we brown the flour we can use it like baby powder on his bottom to help dry him up down there!  Now WHO'S making cookies?!

Jeep:  Wow, I'm impressed...MomMom's a genius!

Pumpkinspice:  Yeah but I called her!

Jeep:  Moving on...let's use MomMom's home remedies to start off with.  That should give us enough time to figure out which cream would be best on his tushy.

 

 

SheepSheep:  You heard it boys, assume the position.

Jeep:  Exactly what are you doing?

Pumpkinspice:  If we're gonna find a cream for Peapod we should try it on us first.

JackJack:  Yeah, we wouldn't want him to react badly to it.

ApeApe:  Use the stronger cream on my tushy since it's smoother and less fuzzy...kinda similar to Peapod's.

Jeep:  Guys, I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that, and even if it did I'm not rubbing cream on your tushies...now sit back down while I try to remove the image of your tushies from my mind.

 

Jeep:  Alright Pumpkinspice let's demonstrate to the others how to pin a prefold cloth diaper on, then we'll all take turns practicing and perfecting the procedure.

Big Teddy:  I don't do diapers...period.

Jeep:  Yes you will, cause we're all taking turns.  This is not a debate.

JoeJoe:  Sure sure.

ApeApe:  Hold up, what happened to the old system?

Jeep:  Well, Mom decided Peapod should be on cloth diapers now since Peapod has been having such a bad reaction to his disposable diapers.  Now back to the tutorial...we need to learn how to use these safety pins properly or Peapod could get hurt.

 

 

Pumpkinspice:  I make this diaper look good!

JackJack:  I don't see how this is going to work, he's already so wiggly as it is!

Jeep:  Well, does anyone have any viable options?

Big Teddy:  I'll surf the net...

 

 

Jeep:  Of course you will!!!  You don't do diapers, but you'll surf the net...anything to get outta doing work!

Big Teddy:  I'm going to ignore that comment...but, it says here we can buy cloth diapers with these easy snaps on them so we won't need safety pins at all.

Jeep:  Quick click buy, click buy!!!!

JackJack:  Easy Jeep, it's not an EBay website, we won't loose it to another bidder.

Jeep:  Sorry I'm a recovering EBay addict.

SheepSheep:  Baby steps Jeep Baby steps.

Wanna Play A Game?

 

JackJack:  So exactly how do we put together Peapod's costume?

Pumpkinspice:  This year we're going to make him his own costume.

Jeep:  Can't we just buy him one?

Pumpkinspice:  Well yeah, but why when we can make him one that he can keep for years to come.

JoeJoe:  Sure, sure.

Pumpkinspice:  Ok Jeep, the instructions say you need to cut the pattern out.

Jeep:  Poke me with that yard stick again, and I'm gonna snap it and you like a twig.

Pumpkinspice:  I'll tell Mom on you!  SheepSheep you're in charge of sewing, JoeJoe and ApeApe are in charge of placing the decals, and JackJack is in charge of ironing.  Let's get a move on it, we only have 5 hrs before the trick or treaters get here.

 

3 hours later...

 

Jeep:  So what's everyone going as for Halloween?

 

ApeApe:  I'm going as Pinhead from the movie Hellraiser!

Jeep:  That's pretty impressive.

JackJack:  Just don't drop any of your pins, last thing we need is to take Peapod to the emergency room for swallowing one on Halloween.

 

Jeep:  What about you JoeJoe?

JoeJoe:  Sure, sure.

Jeep:  Ummmm ok?  So what are you for Halloween?

JoeJoe:  Oh, uhhhhhhhh, oh sure sure.  Edward Scissorhands.

JackJack:  Did anyone dress up in a Peapod friendly costume, I mean seriously pins and scissors aren't the best costumes to have around him!

Jeep:  Chill JackJack, it's Halloween.

 

JackJack:  Well I guess, I'll be the responsible one around here tonight....I'm Batman.

Pumpkinspice:  Did you borrow Peapod's costume from last year?!

JackJack:  No...well maybe...ok fine, but I had too.  I've been busy keeping an eye on Peapod.

 

SheepSheep:  I'm t-t-the creepy c-c-chic from T-T-The Grudge....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

JackJack:  Now that's kid friendly!

SheepSheep:  W-W-Well at least I-I-I don't have any s-s-sharp objects on me t-t-that could endanger P-P-Peapod's life!

JackJack:  Can't argue with that logic.

 

 

Jeep:  Those are all "Child's Play," Check it out, I'm Michael Myers from Halloween.

ApeApe:  Oh that's a good one.

Jeep:  I know, I'm an expert on Halloween.

JackJack:  Well Pumpkinspice, what about you?

Pumpkinspice:  I'm not dressing up this year, I'm going to just hand out candy.

Jeep:  Pumpkinspice is scared of Halloween.

Pumpkinspice:  No I'm not!!!

Jeep:  Oh please, you so are too.  You won't even watch scary movies!

Pumpkinspice:  You can't unsee some things!

Jeep:  Chicken!

Pumpkinspice: Take it back!  TAKE IT BACK!

Jeep:  Don't be a baby, I'm just teasing you!

 

Chucky Doll:  Oh hi guys, wanna play a game?

 

ApeApe:  Chucky!!!! Run for your lives!

Jeep:  Every bear for himself!

SheepSheep:  D-D-Don't stab me, I'm t-t-to fluffy to die!

JackJack:  Move your big fat rear Big Teddy!!!

 

Pumpkinspice: Hahahaha, that'll teach them to call me chicken!  Well Chucky, what do I owe you?

Chucky:  How about you lend me Peapod for a few hours and we'll call it even?

Pumpkinspice:  I don't watch that many horror films, but I did see yours...how about 5 bucks?

Chucky:  Fine!

Pumpkinspice:  Good, now do me a solid and go out the back door, don't want them all knowing we collaborated on this little scare tactic.

 

HAVE A CHUCKYLICIOUS HALLOWEEN!!!

 

Steelers' Diapers Make Me Smile

 

Pumpkinspice:  Exactly how are we putting this towel on him as a diaper?

Jeep:  I think we have to wait until he falls asleep, and then we can slip it on without too much trouble.

Pumpkinspice:  How long before he passes out for his nap?

Jeep:  I don't know!  We just need to sit here and be quiet.

Pumpkinspice:  I don't like sitting still, it's no fun.

Jeep:  Yeah, you also don't know how to stay quiet either.

Pumpkinspice:  Do you want to put this on him yourself?!

Jeep:  Ok, ok, now seriously let's be quiet or he'll expect us to keep him entertained.

 

30 Minutes Later...

 

Pumpkinspice:  You think he's out?

Jeep:  I think so, get in there and poke him.

Pumpkinspice:  Why do I have to poke him?  This was YOUR idea!

Jeep:  Precisely, which is why you're supposed to do what I tell you to do.

 

Pumpkinspice:  He's really not making this easy is he?

Jeep:  Slip your paw under him and unzip his pjs, then we can just slip it off him and put the towel on.

Pumpkinspice:  This is a really bad idea, he's twice my size and if he wakes up there's no telling what he'll do to me.

Jeep:  Don't be such a baby, he's totally passed out.

 

Pumpkinspice:  Help, he's got me by my head!!!!!

Jeep:  Don't panic, I'll just pull you out by your legs.

Pumpkinspice:  Are you pulling?!

Jeep:  Wowzers!!! He's strong!!

 

Jeep:  Well, I gotta say he looks good sporting the Terrible Towel as a diaper.

Pumpkinspice:  He should!  I nearly lost my neck to him!

Jeep:  Don't be overly dramatic, he only had you momentarily and I got you out pretty quick.

Pumpkinspice:  FINE!  But just so you know, I don't think we'll be able to put the towel on him again, he's going to outgrow it soon.

Jeep:  Yeah you're right, but a Steelers' Diaper sure makes me smile.

Pumpkinspice:  We better put a shirt on him, poor hairless cub will catch a cold and we'll never hear the end of it from Mom.

 

EBay Battle On!

 

Jeep:  Oh you think so huh?!  EBay battle on!!!

Pumpkinspice:  How long have you been awake, and WHAT are you doing?!

Jeep:  Never went to sleep...too much action going on, can't sleep, get me more coffee, got an eBay battle going...

Pumpkinspice:  I'm pretty sure you don't need anymore coffee..what are you bidding on that's soooooooooooooo important?

Jeep:  Black and white toddler size 6 converse shoes for Peapod...why you dirty, no good, vindictive...

Pumpkinspice:  Hey!

Jeep:  Huh?  Oh no not you, I was referring to starbuddypumpernickle89.

Pumpkinspice:  Who?

Jeep:  That's who I'm having an eBay battle with, and he's sneaky!  He's out bid me on at least three different items in the past 5 days, and this time he's going down!

 

JackJack:  Are the shoes really that important?

Pumpkinspice:  No, at this point its a matter of pride.  Jeep hates to lose.

Big Teddy:  How much money is he in for now?

Pumpkinspice:  Last time I checked, about $30.00.

JackJack:  For a used pair of shoes?!

Pumpkinspice:  Yup!

Big Teddy:  Don't they sell them for around that brand new?

Pumpkinspice:  Like I said, he doesn't like to lose.

 

LAST 2 MINUTES OF THE BIDDING WAR...

 

 

JackJack:  You got him on the ropes now!

Big Teddy:  Yeah, there's no way he's going to bid against you and that price!

Pumpkinspice:  Mom's gonna kill you when she gets the bill.

Jeep:  No, no, NOOOOOO!

JackJack:  Hurry, click bid..click bid...click it!

Big Teddy:  We're in too deep, no turning back now!

Pumpkinspice:  Hurry!  Don't let him outbid us again!

Jeep:  Whew, we've got it...I think we're safe, only 10 seconds left in the bid.  There's no way....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Big Teddy:  I could just cry, we had him, we had him!

JackJack:  I'm devastated, after all that bidding and to lose...like that...it was just sooo wrong!

Pumpkinspice:  I was rather fond of those shoes too...I would have gladly paid $75.00 for those used shoes.

Jeep:  Defeated...once again.  I need sleep.

JackJack:  That's it?!  We're just giving up like that?

Jeep:  He beat me fair and square, but no I never give up...we have another bidding war that will end in two days.  I'll rest up, my clicking paw has gone numb, but after a good rest I'll be ready to battle again starbuddypumpernickle89.  I will have my REVENGE!!!!!

Cookie Monster Hungry!!

 

Cookie Monster:  Cookie Monster hungry!  Yuck!  Not cookie!

JackJack:  How many times do I have to tell you, NO CHEWING ON THE SOFA, it's not a cookie!

Cookie Monster:  I hungry!!

JackJack:  Well you just have to wait until snack time like the rest of us.

Jeep:  What's up with Cookie Monster lately?

JackJack:  It's a combination of cookie addiction...and I think he might be teething, he's been chewing on EVERYTHING!

Pumpkinspice:  Is it even safe for him to be around Peapod?

JackJack:  For now but if he keeps at it I might have to inquire about a muzzle for him.

 

Pumpkinspice:  Jeep, you think if I gave him a lego block and told him it was a cookie that he'd try to eat it?

Jeep:  I don't think we should encourage him, JackJack is already having a hard time with him as it is...go ahead though.

Pumpkinspice:  Sweet!  Hey Cookie Monster I have a cookie for you!

Cookie Monster:  Me want cookie...gimme, gimme, gimme... 

 

 Cookie Monster:  Blegh...NOT COOKIE!!!

Jeep: Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.

Cookie Monster:  Not nice, Cookie Monster WANT COOKIE!!!!!

Pumpkinspice:  Let's go find other things to feed him.

Jeep:  You're on! 

 

 

JackJack:  NO, BAD COOKIE MONSTER!  WE DON'T EAT PEAPOD!!!!!

Cookie Monster:  Nom, nom, nom...he smell like COOKIES...he taste like COOKIES TOO!!!!!!

JackJack:  That's it, you're getting spankings...maybe then you won't feel a need to bite everyone and confuse them with cookies!

 

Big Teddy:  I don't wanna.

JackJack:  It's ok Big Teddy, just a few pats on his bottom won't hurt him.  I'd do it myself but he's too big and won't fit on my lap, and you're the only one with a big enough lap out of all of us.

Big Teddy:  But I'm not a fighter...I'm a lover.  Even Peapod knows that!

JackJack:  You don't want Cookie Monster to bite Peapod anymore do you?

Cookie Monster:  He taste like COOKIES!!

JackJack:  See now he's obsessed with nibbling on Peapod, we have to correct his bad behavior now or he will get really out of control.

Big Teddy:  Ok, just a few pats...right?

JackJack:  Right!  Well?  Have you learned your lesson Cookie Monster?

 

 

Cookie Monster:  I no bite Peapod...Peapod not cookie.

JackJack:  That's ok little buddy...we'll get you some help with your cookie addiction.

 

Cookie Monster:  I smell COOKIES!!!! NOM, NOM, NOM!!!!

JackJack:  Big Teddy!  A few more pats to his bottom please!

Big Teddy:  No, you said only a few...you handle it!



Superstitious About Being Superstitious

 

Jeep:  Oh this won't do!

Pumpkinspice:  What won't do?

Jeep:  This whole setup, it's all OFF!

Pumpkinspice:  Whoa, whoa, whoa, settle down...no need to panic. Just tell me what's wrong?!

Jeep:  This bird is facing the wrong way, and all this diaper stuff needs to be removed.  How does Mom think we're going to win a football game when he's facing the wrong way?!  He needs to face the tv!

Pumpkinspice:  YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!  This is about us losing the game last week to the Broncos?!

Jeep:  This is serious business Pumpkinspice, and we've got another game coming up on Sunday.  We need to make this house right...we need good JooJoo.

 

 

Pumpkinspice:  If you start rearranging the house Mom's gonna go bonkers on you.

Jeep:  Is the bird looking at the tv now?

Pumpkinspice:  I'm not being apart of this.

Jeep:  Who's team are you on?  If you're not a TRUE Raven's fan then I'll boot you from watching football games with us.

Pumpkinspice:  You can't do that!

Jeep:  Watch me!  I won't have you're bad JooJoo mucking up our chances of winning!!!!

 

Pumpkinspice:  Talk about being paranoid!

Jeep:  You put those cushions back right now! 

Pumpkinspice:  Oh come on!  I can't see the tv if I'm not sitting on something!

Jeep:  Find something else to sit on, and don't disturb those pillows.  I've placed them perfectly to ensure the birds face the tv....



 

Jeep:  Peapod, you're responsibility is to stare at that Raven's Flag every time we go for a touchdown.

Pumpkinspice:  But that's during his nap time...Mom's not going to go for that.

Jeep:  Dad will understand.

Pumpkinspice:  Well, here's a thought, why don't we just hang the flag over his crib during nap time.

Jeep:  Now, you're thinking like a Raven's fan!

Pumpkinspice:  I was JOKING...you know you're just being overly superstitious right?

Jeep:  I don't believe in superstitions, but I am superstitious about being superstitious.

Pumpkinspice:  Whoa...now that's deep.

Jeep:  That's what we do as Raven's fans, we think deeply and feel passionately about our team.  GO RAVENS!!!!

The Looooooong Drive

 

SheepSheep:  H-h-how long is th-th-this ride?

Pumpkinspice: Long....

JackJack:  How long is long?

Jeep:  Really long...

VeVe:  In terms of time and distance?

Pumpkinspice:  In terms of time...FOREVERRRRRRRRR!

Jeep:  In terms of distance...mile after mile after mile after mile.

 

Jeep:  Soooo, how we looking on bathroom breaks?

Pumpkinspice:  Tell Dad he better pull over quick or I'll leave a tennis ball sized puddle in the car seat.

SheepSheep:  C-c-can we g-g-get water too?

JackJack:  Peapod needs a diaper change while we're at it, and a ten minute leg stretch.

VeVe:  I need a walk...where's my leash?

Jeep:  Did you get all that Dad?  Dad?  Dad?!

Pumpkinspice:  Give it up Jeep, he's not pulling over unless we need gas...someone pass me the empty water bottle and DON'T LOOK!!!

 

 

JackJack:  What's the ruckus back here VeVe?  Why's Peapod crying?!

VeVe:  I don't know, I've done everything.

JackJack:  I'm coming back there.

 

VeVe:  If we don't calm him down quick, his Dad is going to get upset.

JackJack:  Come on little buddy, you gotta calm down.  Please calm down or you're Dad won't let us come on road trips with you anymore.

VeVe:  Better call in reinforcements, SHEEPSHEEP!!!!!

 

 

SheepSheep:  Shhhh, it's ok, I'm here.  Wanna cuddle, there, there, that's a good Peapod.

VeVe:  How does she DO that?!

JackJack:  I wanna know what happened to her stutter?!

SheepSheep:  I-I-I don't St-st-stutter when I t-t-talk to Peapod.

VeVe:  Well ain't you just the Peapod whisperer!!

 

JackJack:  Dogpile!!!!

VeVe: MY TAIL, MY TAIL!!

 

Many, many, many hours later...

 



 

Pumpkinspice:  Well, isn't that just the cutest!

Jeep:  Poor Peapod was tired, he must have worn them out too.

Pumpkinspice:  I guess so, they look so cozy.  Don't you just wanna crawl in with them Jeep?

Jeep:  NO thank you, Peapod thrashes in his sleep.  It's only a matter of time before he boots them all out of his seat.

 

Several more hours later...

 

 

Pumpkinspice:  Dad...Dad...Dad...hey Dad, Dad I need to pee again.  No seriously Dad, I HAVE TO PEE AND I WILL NOT USE THE WATER BOTTLE AGAIN!!!!  DAD!!!!

Jeep:  Give it up Pumpkinspice,  here's another water bottle...everyone avert your eyes.