The Pharoah's Swing

 

Pumpkinspice:  Well your Highness, shall I turn on the music for you?

Jeep:  Why are you referring to Peapod as if he's royalty?!

Pumpkinspice: Cause he is.

Jeep:  How do you figure?

Pumpkinspice:  When he cries, what does Mom and Dad do?

Jeep:  Everything they can to soothe him.

Pumpkinspice:  And when he has a dirty diaper?

Jeep:  Wipe his hiney.

Pumpkinspice: And when he's hungry?

Jeep:  They feed him.

Pumpkinspice:  Now, do you or I get that treatment?

Jeep:  ........no

Pumpkinspice:  And what about Dad, the Alpha male in the family?

Jeep: .....no....I think that means Peapod's the Alpha male now.

Pumpkinspice:  Exactly!!!  Now your Highness shall I turn the dial to make the swing go faster or will this speed work for you?

Jeep:  Yes your Highness, can I get you a snuggly blanket?

Peapod Works The System

Pumpkinspice:  Why doesn't Peapod like sleeping in his portable bassinet?

Jeep:  Because he's smart.

Pumpkinspice:  What does being smart have to do with sleeping in the bassinet.

Jeep:  He knows how to work the system.

Pumpkinspice:  I'm not following...what system?

Jeep:  Would you rather sleep in Mom's arms at night or in this bassinet?

Pumpkinspice:  Definitely, Mom's arms.  She's so snuggly and I feel super safe when I sleep with her.

Jeep:  Exactly, and since we're on vacation Peapod knows all he has to do is thrash around in the bassinet and throw a fit, and she'll let him sleep with her because she'll feel guilty that he's not comfortable or she'll think he's scared of the new sleeping place.

Pumpkinspice:  Well, I'll be...he sure does know how to work the system!

Peapod's Wardrobe

Jeep:  What are you doing rummaging in Peapod's dresser?!  And look at the mess you're making!

Pumpkinspice:  I'm looking for something to wear.

Jeep:  Those clothes aren't for you!  Those are all Peapod's!

Pumpkinspice:  Yeah, well as fat as he's getting he's not going to need them much longer and I'm pretty sure something in here will fit me.  You know...you could use a new outfit too.

Pumpkinspice:  You think this is too long?

Jeep:  You look like you're wearing a dress.

Pumpkinspice:  You think Mom could hem it up for me?

Jeep:  Who you kidding?!  Mom doesn't know a needle from a thread...you're better off asking MomMom to do it.  Now, how do I look?

Pumpkinspice:  Very fetching, brings out the brown in your eyes...but, those stripes make you look fat.

The Puking Cherub

 

Jeep:  What movie you watching?

Pumpkinspice:  The Exorcist.

Jeep:  Why you watching that?

Pumpkinspice:  I'm doing research.

Jeep:  Research on what?!

Pumpkinspice:  I think Peapod is possessed.  I saw him puke on Mom the other day, and I swear he had this funny glint in his eye afterwards. 

Jeep:  Did his head spin too?

Pumpkinspice:  No, but I'm telling you there's something not right about him.

Jeep:  Well did he look like the creepy girl in the movie when he did it?

Pumpkinspice:  No, actually he looked like a puking cherub.

 

Jeep:  Hmmmm, we better sleep with one eye open tonight just to be on the safe side.

Liquid Gold

Pumpkinspice:  Why does Mom call her milk liquid gold?

Jeep:  Because it is, its the liquid form of gold.  See once you cook it, it turns into the solid form of gold...that's why you're not supposed to microwave it.

Pumpkinspice: So Peapod is drinking gold? Its no wonder she can't just buy it at the grocery store.

Jeep: Yeah.

Pumpkinspice:  Hey, that means we're rich...she's got a lot of these in the freezer...imagine all the toys we could buy Peapod if we cook them all and then sold it on EBAY!!!!!

Jeep:  That's right! And I've been wanting a new game...I mean Peapod's been wanting this new game and I could buy it for him and teach him how to play it.

Pumpkinspice: Sure Jeep...sure.

Get My Good Side, Please

 

Pumpkinspice: Why are you staring at yourself in the mirror?

Jeep:  Trying to find my good side.

Pumpkinspice: Oh, that's right- today we're getting photographed by the world famous photographer Jodie Otte.

Jeep: She's not world famous.

Pumpkinspice: Yes she is, she has a website: www.jodieotte.com

Jeep:  Just cause she has a website that doesn't make her world famous.  Besides you don't even know what www stands for.

Pumpkinspice: It stands for World Wide Web, which means she's world famous!

Jeep:  Hmmmm, can't really argue that logic...ok to the World Famous Photographer we go!

 

Jeep:  Ms. Jodie, can you make sure to get my good side, please?

Ms. Jodie:  What's your good side?

Pumpkinspice:  He doesn't have one and we're not here for you Jeep, this is Peapod's moment....

 

Pumpkinspice:  Seriously, when will Peapod's body hair come in.  Right now he looks like a naked bear.

Jeep:  Don't worry I already talked to Ms. Jodie about photoshopping some hair on him...after all, we can't have other bears laughing at him when they see his baby photos, THAT would be embarrassing!

The Fall Guy

 

Jeep: What are you doing with Peapod and that paint?!

Pumpkinspice: Well, since everyone forgot PopPop's birthday I decided to make him a special birthday card from Peapod.

Jeep:  That's a great idea...wait, did you ok using the paint with Mom first?

Pumpkinspice: No...you can be the fall guy.

Jeep: What?!  She's not going to believe that I ok'd this without her permission!

Pumpkinspice:  Won't she?  You are after all the bigger bear and its YOUR responsibility to make sure I don't do anything I'm not supposed to do.