New Year's Resolution

 

Pumpkinspice: What is Mom and Dad talking about when they say they're making a New Year's Resolution?

Jeep: Every year, people around the world ring in the New Year and then they make a list of all the things they want to change about themselves only to fail at keeping their promises to themselves.

Pumpkinspice: Well Mom says she plans on eating healthier.

Jeep: I give it 2 months max, her will power when it comes to sweets is nearly nonexistent.

Pumpkinspice: Well Dad plans on working out after the New Year.

Jeep: That will last a good 4 months and then a big fat juicy cheeseburger will take him down and all that effort will go to waste and he'll get disgusted and quit working out all together.

Pumpkinspice: Well...I think I'll try to grow a few inches taller.

Jeep: It doesn't work like that.

Pumpkinspice: Why not?

Jeep: You're as tall as you're going to be...you're done growing.

Pumpkinspice: But I don't want to be short anymore.

Jeep: You gotta live with the hand you're dealt with lil buddy.

Pumpkinspice: No I don't...Mom doesn't have to deal with the fact that she's fat, and Dad doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's out of shape, so why do I have to deal with being short!

Jeep: Want me to buy you some stilts?

Pumpkinspice: Well Mr. Smartie Pants, what's your New Year's Resolution then?

Jeep: Don't need one...I'm perfect as is.

Pumpkinspice: So you wouldn't want to be taller?

Jeep: That's your fantasy not mine.

Pumpkinspice: How about losing weight?

Jeep: I'm not fat!

Pumpkinspice: Well you could benefit from not eating sooooo many cookies.

Jeep: I was just helping Santa out!

Pumpkinspice: Well, how about not being so cranky?

Jeep:  Now I'm cranky?!

Pumpkinspice:  You do tend to get a little cranky when I want you to do something.

Jeep:  That's because the things you want me to do are NOT fun!

Pumpkinspice:  Fine, maybe your resolution should be about trying NEW and INTERESTING things!

Jeep:  Great I'm fat, cranky, and boring according to you....Well Happy New Year to me!!!!

Pumpkinspice: Glad I could help you find your New Year's resolution.  Happy New Year!

Santa's Little Helpers

 

Jeep:  Why do WE have to wrap the presents?  Isn't this Mom and Dad's job?

Pumpkinspice:  They're busy with work, and don't you want Peapod to have something to open tomorrow morning?

Jeep:  Fine, give me the next measurement.

Pumpkinspice:  7x8 at a 35 degree angle, then 6x6x2, and then a radius of 12...I think.

Jeep:  Seriously, what dummy packaged this toy, we should hang him by his toe nails! Ok how about I cut enough to cover it and you trim the leftovers.

Pumpkinspice:  But that's not exact.

Jeep:  Do you want me to quit?!

Pumpkinspice: Fine, we'll try it your way, but don't come crying to me when its not pretty.

Jeep:  Who cares if its pretty, besides Peapod will probably play with the paper more than the gift.

Pumpkinspice:  They clearly did not invent tape with bear fur in mind!

Jeep:  With all due respect, but I don't think they expected a bear would WANT to wrap presents!

Later that night...

Pumpkinspice:  Here Jeep, put this hat on.

Jeep:  Why?

Pumpkinspice: Cause my elf hat is too small for your big head.

Jeep: Like I'd wear an elf hat!  No why am I wearing a Santa hat?

Pumpkinspice:  Well, we need to get into the festive mood and put these presents under the tree!

Jeep:  That's Santa's job...and I don't want coal in my stocking this year for impersonating him.

Pumpkinspice:  I took precautions, Santa sent me a letter of permission, so we're covered.

Jeep:  Looks legit to me...OK!

Mr. Mouse Rose:  Who goes there!!!!!

Pumpkinspice:  Ummmm...we live here.  Who the heck are you?!

Jeep:  And what are you doing under OUR TREE!

Mr. Mouse Rose:  This is MY TREE, I'm the Guardian of all Christmas presents.

Pumpkinspice:  (Whispers to Jeep)  You think he knows he's guarding an empty tree?

Jeep:  Excuse me but what is your name, and how did you get under our tree?

Mr. Mouse Rose: (Puffs up his chest)  I'm Mr. Mouse Rose and I've been instructed, by the one's that call themselves Mother and Father, to guard this tree with all its presents until Christmas from all little one's that would DARE to sneak a peak before the Grand Revealing Day!

Pumpkinspice:  You mean Christmas Day.

Mr. Mouse Rose:  That's what I said. Hmmph  Its a VERY important task, now run along for I have a busy night ahead of me.

Jeep:  But there are no presents under there for you to guard.

Mr. Mouse Rose:  Irregardless, I was tasked with this mission and I shall see it to the end.

Pumpkinspice:  Well, what if we have presents that need to be guarded?

Jeep:  And what if we required your SPECIAL skills?

Mr. Mouse Rose:  Well...my contract doesn't specify which presents I must guard.  As the Protector of Presents, the Emissary of Colorful Bows, and most....

Pumpkinspice:  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll just put these here and you can go on with your accolades after we leave.

Jeep:  Yeah its bedtime so sleep tight Mr. Mouse Rose.

Mr. Mouse Rose:  I will NOT fail you my furry little friends.

Pumpkinspice:  Say it Jeep.

Jeep:  Do I have too?

Pumpkinspice:  Jeeeeeeep!

Jeep:  Fine, fine, fine....Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Hypnotic.....

 

Jeep:  How's the music?  Is it loud enough for Peapod?

Pumpkinspice:  Its perfect, he'll be able to hear it loud and clear.

Jeep:  What about the lights, are they too much?

Pumpkinspice:  ...

Jeep: Are you listening?  I asked how are the lights?

Pumpkinspice: ...

Jeep: PUMPKINSPICE!

Pumpkinspice:  Huh? What?

Jeep:  Sheesh, what are you doing down there...daydreaming?!

Pumpkinspice:  No, I don't think so.  The lights are really hypnotic.

Jeep:  In other words, they work just fine.  I'm going to go do the laundry.

20 Minutes Later...

 

Ms. Monkey:  Are you sure we have to brainwash Pumpkinspice?

ApeApe:  Of course we do, how else are we going to be the favorites.  With him as an allie, we can take over the nursery and Peapod will acknowledge us as higher beings than the bears!  Muahahaha!

Jeep:  Oh no you don't ApeApe, wake up Pumpkinspice!

ApeApe:  Nooooooooo!

Pumpkinspice:  What just happened?

Jeep: ApeApe was trying to brainwash you with the flashing lights!

ApeApe:  It would have worked too, but you had to foil my plans!

Jeep: As punishment I envoke The Law of Hiearchy!

ApeApe:  No please, I'd rather you banish me!

Jeep: The punishment must fit the crime; therefore, you will spend the rest of your days as Peapod's drool buddy or until he deams your services are no longer required.  And if you fellow Monkeys don't disperse IMMEDIATELY, you'll meet the same fate!

 ApeApe:  This isn't over!

Peapod's UNSCHEDULED Haircut!!!

 

Jeep:  OH MY GOODNESS!!! Pumpkinspice!!!!!

Pumpkinspice:  I didn't do it.....

 

Jeep:  And I suppose those clippers in your hands didn't accidently cut Peapod's hair?

Pumpkinspice:  Uh.....no.

Jeep:  And who's hair is that on the floor?

Pumpkinspice:  Mine?

Jeep:  Since when do you have black, straight hair?

Pumpkinspice:  Fine! I did it, but Mom, Dad, and you should thank me.

Jeep:  Why in the World would we think you for cutting his hair without discussing this with us first?!!

Pumpkinspice:  Because his hair was starting to look like Donald Trump's flyaway comb over!

Zombie Baby

 

Pumpkinspice:  Ok I'm back with all the teething rings I could find.

Jeep:  We won't need any of them, Peapod likes to chew on Mom's knuckle.

Pumpkinspice:  Zzzzzombie!!!

 

Jeep:  Where?  Let me at him- protect Peapod!

Pumpkinspice: Nnno, Pppeapod's the ZOMBIE!!!

Jeep:  What?!  He's not a zombie you blockhead!

Pumpkinspice:  He chews on Mom's finger...last I checked that means he's in the zombie category.

Jeep:  You've been watching too much Walking Dead...and even if he was a zombie, what's the worst he could do?!  Gum us to death?  Honestly Pumpkinspice, you'd pee your pants just looking at your own reflection.

Pumpkinspice:  I'm still sleeping with my baseball bat...just in case.

Jeep:  Man!  I was so ready for the Zombie Apocolypse too!!!